Sadly, Studs Terkel has gone the way of history

A "real person" hero of mine died today, Halloween 2008.

Studs made the largest impact on the world by recording oral histories of the "everyman" and collecting them, edited, into volumes.

A true humanist and a believer in our individual spirit, he died today at the age of 96. He would record hours of people's stories then mine them for the gold nugget of truth and perspective. He believed that everybody had a story to tell.

"My discovery was people needed to be needed by others, need to count; that's the word," he said in an interview with the AP.


I've never met him, but I will miss him. May his story go on to inspire every one.

A great couple is getting married

Today I learned that a wonderful couple - Missy & Mirna - are getting married tomorrow at City Hall here in San Francisco. They have been together 13 years, and thanks to Gavin Newsom and the CA Supreme Court, they as a same-sex couple are able to strengthen their bond and become family under CA state law.

If the hideous Prop 8 passes their marriage may be voided. Believe me, they are a sweet wonderful pair of women, more deserving of marriage than a lot of people I know. If you knew them, you'd agree, and be perplexed as to how anyone could think they shouldn't be allowed to be married.

I am thrilled for them! Getting married is the single best thing that I have ever done. My life has gotten better and better since P and I went to city hall over 7 years ago and tied the knot.

Congrats, ladies! Enjoy your special day, and may you be married every day the rest of your lives!

An eerie synchronicity with my namesake

Today I learned that my namesake and I share something else in addition to our name: both of our fathers died when we were infants. Her father died while her mother was in childbirth, so her mother named Joen after him.

The day I was born, 1-1-71, my father named me after her, then died 19 days later.

Could my father have known this connection?

That my namesake is among the foremost Gestalt therapists in this country

I just received an email from someone who knows Joen Fagan and apparently found my blog posting from yesterday.

She said that in addition to being "among the foremost Gestalt therapists in this country", Dr. Fagan is "among the most intelligent people you would have ever met." She has had a following in Atlanta for years, was a professor at Georgia State, and has trained scores of psychotherapists.

Lastly she advised that I might want to be a little less flip about carrying her name. (And I so did not mean any disrespect).

Now that I know so much more about her, I'm blown away. It makes me wonder if my father knew more about her, maybe he had met her, or if he had just been so moved by the information he was reading - that he decided to give me her name.

Regardless, I hope anyone who reads this understands the pain and difficulty of being given a name by a man, my own father, who dies less than three weeks later. I was raised in Oklahoma with this unusual name, and although I knew I was named after someone, I have yet to meet anyone else who has ever heard of or has known someone with our name: Joen.

My father was 33 when he died from skin cancer. My mother was 28. They had been married only 6 years, had two children ages 5 and 3 and was pregnant with me when they found out that he had terminal cancer. That's why my mom told him he could name the baby whatever he wanted. His legacy was to name me Joen, as I now know, after an author of a textbook on Gestalt therapy that he was reading.

And now I know that my namesake is brilliant, highly respected, and is living in Atlanta, GA!

My namesake has a private psychology practice

Today I discovered that my namesake, Joen Fagan PhD, has a private psychologists practice in Atlanta, GA.

I don't know whether I should call to speak with her, write her a letter, or be crazy and spontaneous and make an appointment to meet with her, live and in person. Not that she would meet me.

I'm really not sure what I intend to get from meeting my namesake, since she had very little to do with my birth, aside from writing the book my father happened to be reading when I as born. And subsequently named me after, just before he died 19 days later.

You Get One Request from The Boss

Today I learned that the way to move forward is to decide on just one question to get answered.

It's like you have your one big meeting with the boss, and this is your chance to ask for what you really want.

Just one thing, is all you ask. "Please, just give me a chance. Set it in motion and I'll take over the reigns."

Dancing Tells

What I learned today is that you don't really know your friends until you've had a drunken night dancing with them.

Last night friends had a great wedding reception at the Swedish American Hall, and with the free flowing full bar, by the end of the night, our group of friends were boogying down. It was fun to see everyone cut loose. And I had no idea that Dipesh could be so spectacular on the dance floor!

Good, clean, goofy fun with friends: drunken dancing at a wedding!

Oversharing

What I learned today was that I am not the only person that feels awkward socializing sometimes, and over compensates by "over sharing".

I learned this term today that describes myself, and felt a tremendous sense of relief to hear a total stranger casually confessing their "over sharing" personality trait. It was like looking into a mirror, and being gently eased into a new, comfortable understanding of myself.

At a gallery opening today I was introduced to a lovely, lively woman named Evony. In her quick, expressive manner she described being intimidated by her ex-boyfriend's tall, quiet fiance, and her struggles with feeling inferior in her presence, because of her tendency to overshare.

I realized right away what she was talking about, having felt the same way many times. But the best thing is, I found Evony totally charming, honest and delightful. So if I am like her, then I am in good company.

Roaring Thunder

Today I learned that the only way to tolerate the Blue Angels teeth-rattling, thunderous fly-bys around San Francisco is to be in a place where you can actually see them flying around.

I'm not much of a military person, and don't generally expect to be impressed with seeing "American military might" in action, but I was generally awe-inspired seeing the jets fly over our gorgeous city today.

And since we get so little thunder and lightening in our fair city, when I'm back at home unable to see them in formation zipping to and fro, I'll just pretend like it's a nice thunder storm rolled in. And that it is somehow magically happening even with the clear blue sunny sky.